Hey guys, I wrapped up and scheduled the second email bootcamp mission to go out. Some of you might get it in your inbox sooner or later than others, it just depends on when you signed up. The first week I decided to give you guys some extra slack time because I know sometimes it’s a little tough to get momentum.
If you haven’t already signed up, you can do so here:
http://www.artofthepickup.com/aotptt/
It’s a 6-part bootcamp, and if you have any trouble getting through any part of it, just refer to my blog post “The Power of Persistece” :)
~Jay
P.S. The teleconference is happening tonight! If you want to get in on it, the details will be sent to those signed through on the link above a couple hours before the actual call.
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October 25th, 2008 at 9:20 am
Guys,
It was a great call last night. I appreciate your time and insights. I have a question on height. I stand around 5′6″ to 5′7″ and continuously face hurdles with women due to height. I run online personals and get no responses at my current height and yet when I take the same ad with a height of 5′10 I am flooded with responses. Out in the field I face women wearing heals making them inches taller and they look at me and treat me like I am a little kid (Im 43). They dont take me seriously and make jokes about me being short. No matter how I try to brush it off or reframe, it just does not get anywhere. I take good care of myself, am fit and work out regularly, well-educated, professional, but I cant get passed square one.
I do not want the usual “inner game” retorts - “its all in your head” - its just my experiences in the field. What solid or credible techniques or advice do you have that I can use? I do not see humor or anyother thing else working - it just seems like women will accept drug addicts, jerks, abusers, crazies - as long as you are tall or taller - but not guys that are shorter that might be a good decent guy. Its a sad state of affairs.
Thanks for listening.
Paul
October 25th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Paul, I’m 5′5″. I don’t bother online personals. Not that I can’t, I just don’t want to bother if I can meet women other places. I understand what you mean, it’s like if you were black and trying to get a date from kkkmatcher.com.
You won’t get “it’s all in your head” advice from us, ever, unless, well, it is in your head. That’s why when I’m helping someone, I ask them to give me specific examples which correlate with their belief. Because, sometimes it turns out the guy can’t pinpoint an example or experience since he’s never actually tested that belief, and therefore it is in his head. But, anyway, we’re pragmatic here and this doesn’t sound like it’s one of those “in your head” things.
Height is one of those few things that a person simply can’t change about themselves. If you’re fat, you can diet and exercise. If you’re overly pale, you can get some sun. If you’re balding, there are many remedies or even shaving your head. If you don’t like the color of your hair, you can color it. Get better clothes. Improve tonality, etc etc.
People can’t change their race, either, and there are many women out there that won’t be interested in a certain race, and that’s not possible to get beyond.
So, it boils down to: How to find a woman who will not internally judge her potential interest in someone based on a superficiality. If it’s a conscious judgment, that can be worked around with great game, but that’s not advice in itself, so let’s focus on figuring out how to find women where this won’t be an issue.
So, for now don’t bother with online personals. Also, when you say “out in the field”, do you literally mean everywhere or just specific places like bars & clubs. If you meant just bars or clubs, look, when women are together they have a certain social conduct which would be acceptable to their private group yet show them to be socially retarded if put under a microscope. So, skip that (for now).
Approach girls in the daytime, when they are solo, where their only judgments put to the test will be their internal personal judgments and preferences. Focus on reaching attraction with them and height won’t matter.
I’ve had a girl who was attracted to me and height didn’t matter. It didn’t matter for a long time. But then one day we split and soon I felt the implication that she was un-attracted to my height. So, when she was attracted, height didn’t matter. When she wasn’t attracted, height did.
The average height of women is 5′4″, which means about half are under 5′4″ and a little more than half are still shorter than me. When they’re dilly-dallying about their say, shopping, getting a bite to eat, coffee, etc, they’re wearing comfortable un-heeled shoes and I can find plenty of women who I can walk up to and will be “taller” than. I realize when I do this, I’m the one being selective and superficial - what about the women who are 6′ who are wishing most guys (who average 5′9″) don’t seem to approach them? I have to let that go and be the selective one and because typically I prefer girls who are shorter than me, and small-framed.
You said “dont take me seriously and make jokes about me being short” - I’ve almost never had this happen to me, and the only times I can recall were some random comments in a club. Seriously, unless you’re approaching total hose-bags in clubs who have an entourage of catty friends with them, you are seriously not going to get this kind of response. Hey, she may think it on the inside, but attraction can, and almost always will, override height preference.
So, how is your attraction game? Do you have a sharp wit? Can you banter? Have good are you at transitioning from opening into building attraction? Are you using touch tactics? Leading the interaction or following it? Approaching groups or solo girls? What kind of environments?
When I say wit and banter, I actually don’t mean be overly funny, but rather have a sharp tongue to be able to retort on just about any verbal challenge. What works for me up front is to use humor only as an initial opener, but then maintain a more serious tone and sharp wit so I can jump into the role of verbal sparring without crossing over into insulting. Sort of borderline arrogance, but not too far. Or, I approach more directly, especially when they’re solo, and focus on connection themes. I also focus on leading right away rather than collecting contact information as the main goal (that is “Plan B” to me). I also NEVER brag about myself, I never say “I’m cool” or “I’m smart” or “I’m successful”. Instead, I allow me strengths to show through in the interaction.
You can’t change your height. You can stuff your shoes and maintain good posture, but you can’t make a huge enough difference to “be taller” so:
Either:
A) You allow it to get in your way and be a constant excuse or
B) You get pragmatic, like I do, and simply use common sense
I’ve heard from guys who are 5′9″ that they want to be taller. Guys who are 5′11″ want to be 6′. Guys who are 6′ want to be 6′2″. If all those guys seriously have a disenfranchised feeling when meeting women, then they are not being effective, and you can imagine that their counterparts who are the same height but don’t have the same hang-up are simply more successful because they don’t take pause on it.