Jay Valens on February 12th, 2010

These strategies shouldn’t really be necessary to spell out, but perhaps it’s not common sense to a lot of guys.

Thinking about it more, these strategies weren’t common sense to me ages ago, but now I know better.  Rather than make you stumble in the dark any further, I present you with some high-quality strategies to keep women in your life, not just pick them up.  Not just any women, but the ones you want.

I’ve been in the midst of the pickup world for quite a long time now and I can tell you for sure I’ve seen so many guys do so many things wrong that ultimately avoiding those mistakes is more than half the battle, so I’ll split this into things to do and things to NOT do.


DO NOT:

Expect to “be yourself” after the pickup.  Do not expect to be able to not change.  Changing on the surface is not change.  Throwing on a fuzzy hat or boa around your neck to get initial attention does not change who you are.  Whatever & whoever you are when you meet her and when you follow through with her is how you are stuck being FOREVER if you want to keep her.  Kinda sucks, huh?  So don’t throw on masks that you ultimately don’t want to merge into who you are.

To improve, you must change, but that change must be something that is something you want and not just a quick fix you can take out & put away as needed.

DO NOT:

Be incongruent.  Just because a rock star and a cowboy are both archetypes that women have fantasies about, and just because you might be able to pull off either persona, does not mean going back-and-forth in persona will do anything but make every girl with at least 2 brain cells run away from you very fast.  You’re better off being a consistent geek who at least likes who he is than acting one way one minute and another way the second.

This does not mean being unpredictable is bad.  Actually, it’s one of the traits you should have.  It means don’t try to be more than one person to the girl.  Be the identity you want, become the identity you’d like to be, and stick with it.

DO NOT:

Talk game to a girl.  Just because you’re learning how to improve your life with women doesn’t mean you have to explain it to them.  Do you know how much women read about how to figure out men on a daily basis?  Never mind that the advice they get is mostly rubbish, but how often do you hear a girl “talking game” to you about how much she’s figured out men.  Your first thought will be “psycho”.

DO NOT:

Lose your manners or cool.  Just because you’re using a new understanding of social dynamics doesn’t mean that being rude or dissing basic social norms will lead to anything but a dry feeling in your pants.  Maybe on a rare occasion it helps but most of the time such a strategy will backfire.  Even when you’re being sexually adventurous with a girl, even if you’re emanating the “bad boy” vibe, there is still a baseline of social normalcy which you must have.

DO NOT:

Constantly contact her.  Even when a girl is contacting you daily doesn’t mean you have to initiate as often, or even near as often.

DO NOT:

Change to cater to her.  Change only when it suits you to better yourself.  Do not change for anyone except yourself.

DO NOT:

Expect a one night stand to be anything more.  Holding back to wait, presuming the circumstance allows, keeps the right door open.  This one is tricky, because you have to be able to differentiate between an actual limited opportunity and one where there is little or no time constraint for you.  Until you reach the point of being able to differentiate, do always go for all opportunities but just keep in mind that you can’t expect one night stands to become something more.


DO:

Follow through.  If you leave a girl hanging without releasing the tension, her resentment will grow.  That doesn’t mean not to create tension in the first place, it means that you can’t dangle carrots without eventually offering a reward once she’s earned it.

DO:

Experiment.  If you do the same thing with her all the time, you will bore her.  Don’t get too comfortable in your routines.  Be willing to break out of them.

DO:

Set expectations early on.  The sooner after initially having sex, the better.  Establish understandings early on.  Frame the relationship in your terms.  Take the lead and make sure that, as the relationship progresses, you are always in a position of benefit but also regularly in position to GIVE to keep things well-balanced.

DO:

Give her freedom, as much as she needs.  You can still keep her reined by merely having a lifestyle and control over your own life that keeps her gravitating toward you, but you should be able to let go of ALL jealousy and only show it when it will escalate her attraction to you.

DO:

Be interested in her.  Not just her body.  Her.  If you’re only interested in her because of her body, and this is not something she’s aware of, eventually by your own actions you’ll lose her.

DO:

Be the one who takes charge.  Don’t wait for her to wait for you.  Make the decision on plans and follow through.

DO:

Enjoy your own life.  Don’t depend on her or her interests to be your life.  You had interests before her, you’ll have interests whether she’s around or not.  If she feels that you’re attaching yourself to her life and giving up aspects of your own life to do so then she’ll lose interest in you.

DO:

Go get AOTP:TT :)

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