Jay Valens on February 28th, 2010

I’m cheating a slight bit and sharing something I’ve already shared to our main list. If you’ve missed newsletters like this one or not on our list yet, you can subscribe at:


You get in your way more than other men get in your way.

You might be thinking, “Jay, I love your newsletters but now I know you’re on crack!  Half the people in this world are men and I’m competing with them every day I leave my house and every time I try to meet and date a new woman.”

I’m going to keep things short & sweet today and leave you with something major to think about.

Other men are NOT competition and almost never get in your way with any woman you want.

You are far far more likely to get in your own way.



1. Not approaching when an opportunity to meet a new woman presents itself.  You might hesitate, doubt yourself, or simply chicken out.  Where is the alleged “other guy” to stop you or hold you back?  He’s not there.

2. By not being prepared.  How many times have you not bothered to observe the mechanics of the world around you?  You have the opportunity every day in life to observe, learn, and practice.  You are learning from this newsletter but are you practicing?  Where are the “other men” to blindfold you, lock you in your house, and glue your feet to the ground?  In your imagination, that’s where.

3. By not maximizing your opportunities.  Are you taking advantage of opportunities that appear, or making new opportunities regularly?  Are you out being social?  Taking interesting classes in your extra time?  Visiting interesting places?  Traveling?  Having parties?  Keeping up with your friends?  Keeping up with events near where you live?  Oh, I forgot, some imaginary “other men” are somehow causing you to not be able to do any of that.

4. By not learning from experience.  How many times will you repeat the same mistakes before learning from them?  Are you learning from the negative and unproductive behavior of other men or are you learning from YOUR experiences?

What about when you are in a room loaded with other ALLEGED competition?

Just be the first to approach.

Where will your competition be when you’re the first one out the gate?  Standing against a wall wishing they had your balls.

OK OK, I know you are still recollecting back to some times in the past where you were talking to a hot woman and some guy tried to get in your way, kept trying to get in your way, and maybe even succeeded in getting in your way.  That is what you’re still wondering about….

It’s really not a big deal and the solution to THAT, and pretty much wrapping up this whole topic of conversation is simple and I’ll call it the “troubleshooting section”.

Ready? …

Troubleshooting Section

1. You are talking to a woman for at least a short time and both engaged in some level of conversation and interaction & reasonably facing each other with close proximity.  A guy comes along and tries to get her attention or distract you generally trying to get attention.

What do you do?

Just ignore him completely and continue talking to the woman as if he was not there at all.  Pay about as much attention to him as you would the color of paint on the wall behind you.

You see, when you’re talking to a woman, she is engaged with YOU.  She has more social interaction with YOU than with him and in that case, since you are the MAN, she will look to you to lead the situation and if you don’t acknowledge the doofus then she will not either.

The only time this won’t apply is if she’s known him longer than you.  In that case, only acknowledge him IF she does first in a meaningful way

If it’s clear he’s her friend or related to her, then acknowledge him positively, that will only help you.  Otherwise, he’s NOBODY and you can effectively just pause long enough for her to acknowledge him and continue as if his interaction was meaningless.

2. Let’s say it’s not as simple as that and the doofus is too persistent at trying to block you, and it’s clear she doesn’t know him that well but has at least acknowledged him enough for him to try blasting through your interaction.

Now it’s fair game for you to “assert your turf” by nullifying his.  You don’t do this by “competing” because, as you should know by now, other men are not competition.  You do this by making it clear to the girl indirectly - by the other guy’s own actions, that he has no turf to begin with.

Here are some examples:

Make comments to him that are back-handed complements.
Ask the girl to ask him stupid questions about himself.
Tell him the girl really likes him and she’s just waiting to hear his best pickup line.

BE CAREFUL and use common sense.  If you are 5’6” and 140lbs and he’s 6’6” and built like a linebacker then don’t insult him outright.  Your goal is not to piss him off or to even make him think the reason he didn’t get the girl was because of you.  The goal is to have him end up walking away because he was made to feel like a doofus through his own actions.

I’ve known some guys who’ve mis-calibrated this and gotten themselves into physical jeopardy by being sloppy about how they acknowledge other men.  Remember, this is a last-ditch, only-when-necessary strategy and ALWAYSE USE COMMON SENSE.

It doesn’t even matter whether he walks away dejected or not, so long as it becomes clear to the girl that he’s got no value in comparison to you.

You can literally have a big obnoxious linebacker supermodel type guy trying to take over your interaction with a girl for hours and you still walk out with the girl.

He could literally stand there trying to block you all night and it won’t matter one lick so long as his presence is not acknowledged by you in any meaningful way and if at any time he downsizes himself with a stupid comment or showing any insecurity in himself.

If you are calm and cool throughout and he flinches even once, he’s out.  In fact once he’s out, the longer he hovers, the worse his position gets.

Once it becomes obvious to you this has happened, you can bet it’s become obvious to the woman, and you can start having “inside jokes” with her by talking about the guy indirectly while he’s still standing there.

By the way, in the realm of teaching you how to effectively start meeting and dating lost more women, our DVDs have no other competition.  Check them out:


Not just any other guy,

Jay Valens

P.S. Don’t forget that if you want this kind of advice to get sent to you by email, you can subscribe right away at:


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Jay Valens on February 28th, 2010

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Jay Valens on February 21st, 2010
  • Apologies for the links not working, I fixed them with redirects. Just a stupid blog issue plugin issue. 3 new 3some posts coming up… #
  • Threesome Report: Amazing…: A2daMIR http://bit.ly/bMoefS #
  • Threesome Report: Manage-a-trois, BIG TIME AMOG, funny stuff: rickyricon http://bit.ly/bw2gfV #
  • Threesome Report: First threesome of 2008: A2daMIR http://bit.ly/dDkOvy #
  • @Jaysin586 Thanks for letting me know, fixed all the links. Blog plugin wasn’t working right when I fixed the dates but it’s all set now. in reply to Jaysin586 #
  • Geek alert: I’m designing my own sitemap tool (kind of necessary given the size & complexity of FS) but the effort should be worth it. #

Continue reading about Jay’s Twitter Weekly Updates for 2010-02-21

Jay Valens on February 17th, 2010

As a follow-up to the blog post on retention, earlier tonight I sent out an email to our subscribers about the true key aspect of how to keep a girl once you’ve got her.

I mean, what’s the point of meeting & pickup up a girl you’re really into if you can’t manage to KEEP her?

I outlined a whole bunch of things in the retention post but there really is an incredible key element that, if you do well, will ensure she’ll be sticking around for a long, long time.

If you’re not subscribed to our newsletters, then you missed my talk about it, you can subscribe at:


But, to recap, I essentially covered how important SEX is and more than just in a “do it right” sort of way, but why it matters and what aspects of how well you do it will make the difference.

Friend Shawna - Teaches Sex

Friend Shawna - Teaches Sex

Lucky for you, my friend Shawna (a porn actress) did really nice write-up on the topic and you can download it from here:


I mean, who else do I trust to give you the best advice on how to best please a woman than a woman herself?  And not just any woman, but one that makes a living out of having sex and a woman who loves (REALLY loves) pleasing women as much as men.

Go grab her write-up, it’s an eye-opener.

Continue reading about Don’t Lose Another Girl Ever Again…

Jay Valens on February 14th, 2010

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Jay Valens on February 12th, 2010

These strategies shouldn’t really be necessary to spell out, but perhaps it’s not common sense to a lot of guys.

Thinking about it more, these strategies weren’t common sense to me ages ago, but now I know better.  Rather than make you stumble in the dark any further, I present you with some high-quality strategies to keep women in your life, not just pick them up.  Not just any women, but the ones you want.

I’ve been in the midst of the pickup world for quite a long time now and I can tell you for sure I’ve seen so many guys do so many things wrong that ultimately avoiding those mistakes is more than half the battle, so I’ll split this into things to do and things to NOT do.


Expect to “be yourself” after the pickup.  Do not expect to be able to not change.  Changing on the surface is not change.  Throwing on a fuzzy hat or boa around your neck to get initial attention does not change who you are.  Whatever & whoever you are when you meet her and when you follow through with her is how you are stuck being FOREVER if you want to keep her.  Kinda sucks, huh?  So don’t throw on masks that you ultimately don’t want to merge into who you are.

To improve, you must change, but that change must be something that is something you want and not just a quick fix you can take out & put away as needed.


Be incongruent.  Just because a rock star and a cowboy are both archetypes that women have fantasies about, and just because you might be able to pull off either persona, does not mean going back-and-forth in persona will do anything but make every girl with at least 2 brain cells run away from you very fast.  You’re better off being a consistent geek who at least likes who he is than acting one way one minute and another way the second.

This does not mean being unpredictable is bad.  Actually, it’s one of the traits you should have.  It means don’t try to be more than one person to the girl.  Be the identity you want, become the identity you’d like to be, and stick with it.


Talk game to a girl.  Just because you’re learning how to improve your life with women doesn’t mean you have to explain it to them.  Do you know how much women read about how to figure out men on a daily basis?  Never mind that the advice they get is mostly rubbish, but how often do you hear a girl “talking game” to you about how much she’s figured out men.  Your first thought will be “psycho”.


Lose your manners or cool.  Just because you’re using a new understanding of social dynamics doesn’t mean that being rude or dissing basic social norms will lead to anything but a dry feeling in your pants.  Maybe on a rare occasion it helps but most of the time such a strategy will backfire.  Even when you’re being sexually adventurous with a girl, even if you’re emanating the “bad boy” vibe, there is still a baseline of social normalcy which you must have.


Constantly contact her.  Even when a girl is contacting you daily doesn’t mean you have to initiate as often, or even near as often.


Change to cater to her.  Change only when it suits you to better yourself.  Do not change for anyone except yourself.


Expect a one night stand to be anything more.  Holding back to wait, presuming the circumstance allows, keeps the right door open.  This one is tricky, because you have to be able to differentiate between an actual limited opportunity and one where there is little or no time constraint for you.  Until you reach the point of being able to differentiate, do always go for all opportunities but just keep in mind that you can’t expect one night stands to become something more.


Follow through.  If you leave a girl hanging without releasing the tension, her resentment will grow.  That doesn’t mean not to create tension in the first place, it means that you can’t dangle carrots without eventually offering a reward once she’s earned it.


Experiment.  If you do the same thing with her all the time, you will bore her.  Don’t get too comfortable in your routines.  Be willing to break out of them.


Set expectations early on.  The sooner after initially having sex, the better.  Establish understandings early on.  Frame the relationship in your terms.  Take the lead and make sure that, as the relationship progresses, you are always in a position of benefit but also regularly in position to GIVE to keep things well-balanced.


Give her freedom, as much as she needs.  You can still keep her reined by merely having a lifestyle and control over your own life that keeps her gravitating toward you, but you should be able to let go of ALL jealousy and only show it when it will escalate her attraction to you.


Be interested in her.  Not just her body.  Her.  If you’re only interested in her because of her body, and this is not something she’s aware of, eventually by your own actions you’ll lose her.


Be the one who takes charge.  Don’t wait for her to wait for you.  Make the decision on plans and follow through.


Enjoy your own life.  Don’t depend on her or her interests to be your life.  You had interests before her, you’ll have interests whether she’s around or not.  If she feels that you’re attaching yourself to her life and giving up aspects of your own life to do so then she’ll lose interest in you.


Go get AOTP:TT :)

Continue reading about Retention Rate Strategies

Jay Valens on February 7th, 2010

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