Jay Valens on October 8th, 2008

No matter what your strategy for improving your game, the fact remains that you need a plan.

By having a plan, I don’t mean “I plan to succeed” or “I will learn X, Y or Z method”, I mean, literally, you need a specific plan when you go out in the field to meet new women, follow up with women you’ve met, and prepare to handle escalation to more: sex and establishing a relationship.  Before you try to go from point A to Z, you first need to go from A to B, then B to C, and so on.

First, Pinpoint Where You Get Stuck

Since I’ve been around this stuff so long, I’ve become pretty aware to pinpoint where a guy might be having problems, and usually it’s due to being stuck at a certain stage and not being able to get past that stage.  First comes the awareness of where the hangup is, then the honesty to accept that is where progression is needed, and finally there needs to be a plan to get through that sticking point.

So, for example, if you’re out and able to approach, you may have an issue getting past the initial approach.  It took so much guts to get you to walk up and open your mouth and to do that often, but maybe you don’t know what to do after that.  Or maybe you’re OK to get past that and now you need to know how to transition into a meaty interaction.  An then, from there, attraction.  And so on.

Next, Find The Puzzle Piece That Fits

For all of that, for every step, you need a plan.  After a while, when you’re familiar with any smaller element of the overall picture, your plan becomes automatic and you are more fluid without much effort.  That’s definitely where you want to be.  But BEFORE you can get to that point, which is the ultimate goal, you need to have a plan for each and every place you may run into sticking points.

One of the greatest tools available to you is the knowledge from other guys who have successfully broken down each and every one of those stages and elements.  That knowledge is your short-cut to having a plan.  Some will claim that such things are crutches but, really, they only become that way if you end up having a huge dependence on them.  The truth is they are like training wheels.

Lastly, Put The Plan To Work

I wish I could think of a better example than this, but, have you seen the movie “The Karate Kid”?  In it, in order for his master to teach him to get good, he forced him to repetitively “wax on, wax off, wax on, wax off”.  It was training to become familiar with the motions until eventually the motions became natural, almost instinctual.

This is really a very important point because having been at this so long it seems people gravitate towards 2 distinct beliefs.  One is that game should be “natural” (free-flowing, vibe, inner game) and the other is that the game is completely “mechanical” (indirect, structured, controlled).

Don’t Fall Into The “One Size Fits All” Camp

The reality is, having good game, at least for guys who don’t start off being natural at it, requires BOTH.  There could be a time in the future where a guy who was focused on a structured method becomes familiar enough with the process that he becomes far less dependent on such things and is able to be more naturalistic, and then start espousing that natural game is the key, but he would not have gotten there had he not initally had a plan in the form of tried & tested routines, tactics, techniques, especially garnered from guys who are good who’ve been in the field far more than he’d been.

But, hey, if you are NOW a natural at pickup, dating, sex, relationships, etc, then so be it, you will perceive that is “the way” and all else is a distraction.  And, from your point of view, you would be right.  But nobody, unless they are BORN or BRED that way, are a natural out of the gate.  EVERYONE, and I mean EVERYONE needs a plan to go from A to B, then B to C, then C to D, and so on.  EVERYONE.

So, I ask, where are YOUR sticking points and do you have a plan to get you through them?

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