Jay Valens on October 3rd, 2008

Here’s Part 2 of the Foundations for Tactics & Techniques.  It gives a broad overview about opening and elements of openers, and opening.

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11 Responses to “Foundations, Part 2: Opening”

  1. Another nice video; I like it.

    Here is a suggestion: when you are opening, you can:

    1. Comment on something you notice about her(or them, if it is a group)

    2. Comment on something in the environment that you can all observe together, “Do you see that guy over there? I think I saw him on American Idol a few weeks back?”

    3. A straight up, “I noticed you guys here and realized if I didnt say something we’d never get to meet. I’m …..”

    Number 3 is a great one to fall back on when you can think of what to say. It’s a totally true statement-indeed a “truism” and no can argue with it. And it is low-key, makes no excuses, is direct without being threatening or expecting anything from them.

    Too many guys enter into a conversation in a way that expects a woman to respond a certain way. Bad thing.

    Congrats again on the new blog!


  2. I love the concept of this blog, but why do all the guys look like male models? What is up with that? Its us average guys that need the help and encouragement….

  3. LOL I guess the same question could be asked why so many actors in Hollywood Movies look like male models. We’re totally with you on helping the “average guys” (I am one), it’s just that all the guys who we cast for this turned out to be above-average in looks, and especially the guys who pulled off the roles the best.

    They’re acting out what we’ve directed them to act out and the result was good. If you can get past the fact that the guys we show in the videos are good-looking, it’s the content which matters more. Their looks are irrelevant to the information and advice.

  4. This has nothing to do with Hollywood movies - you are trying to show real life situations here not Return of the King….Their looks maybe irrelevant to the information and advice here, but in the real world its a totally different story. Height is a top DHV. I really wish you guys had average height guys (all of these guys are tall) - just more average looking guys. It helps a guy like me (5′7″ - average looks) who is really struggling out there to see “well maybe it is possible”…I guess I have to keep searching…

  5. Women react to good looking men. Yes, looks are kind of like college degree - it gets you in the door and then personality takes over…but in bar and club settings, the good looking guys get the girls more times than not so in this context, its frustrating to see over and over again “personality is what counts” and then you see videos like these with men that you are trying to compete with in the field….just my take (and I am a purchaser of your Art of the Pickup DVD)…thanks

  6. Kelso, that’s your limiting belief, not mine. I am 5′5″ and average looks. Mull over that for a little while.

    Being rich is a DHV. Looking like a model is a DHV. Having 1,000 celebrity friends is a DHV. I’m guessing none of those things apply to you, but I doubt you make a decision on your ability to succeed in anything based on the lack of any of that. Or do you?

    To the rest of the guys reading this: I’m not trying to knock on Kelso for this comment but it’s a great example of guys giving up before they begin.

    Our goal is to show you in the best way possible the best examples of HOW to do something in the field, visually, with close-ups, repeats, variations, and multiple angles. Casting guys who look “average” would have just made casting harder, and casting real-life PUAs would be a nightmare (although myself & TokyoPUA do make appearances in the videos). The girls on the videos are also hot, but I doubt we’ll hear any complaints over that.

    I’ve heard these kind of “give up” comments many times over the years. If it’s not one thing, it’s something else. If the kind of guys with such limiting beliefs saw average guys in the videos, they would probably complain that the girls are too hot. Or if not that, the environments don’t look exactly like the places they go. Or they want a magic bullet pickup line that will work without any effort.

    Anyway, you do have our original DVDs and that is a broad A-to-Z how-to and is for beginners to early intermediate, and I really hope you’ve been putting it to good use.

    And, seriously, in this blog we’ll introducing probably the highest quality learning follow-up resource right into your living room that any guy can get for himself. We haven’t even begun to show you what it’s all about. Drop in when you can, subscribe to the feed, get some bonuses. Sit tight and it will all be revealed soon enough :)


  7. Height is a HDV. It actually is the top DHV a guy can initially have in love, career, life,ect. The term “tall, dark and handsome” was not just made up out of thin air….

    I appreciate the note, but I am not a quitter - far from it. I am just a realist. If I was a quitter, I would not be typing this now…..I look forward to your products but in all reality, the videos do not represent the average guy. I have worked in movie, TV production and advertising before and you can find average looking people who are actors.

    I mean one of the reasons you are making this product is for the average guy to succeed with hot girls, am I not correct? So when you show the type of guy that does not need as much guidance or help on an average basis, its not congruent and just feels like…heck, here we go again, another good looking PUA that can score….


  8. Kelso,

    Like Jay said, it was mostly coincidence that the guys we wound up casting looked the way they did. That being said, I didnt think the guy with the short hair looked like a male model lol, he was pretty average.

    It may make you feel better to know that we actually had to cut the one guy who actually was a model in real life. There was one tall good looking Asian guy who did make it into one or two routines, but we had to tell him we couldn’t use him anymore because he wasn’t getting the right vibe across.

    Again, our main intent was to focus on teaching HOW to do the routines correctly, not about how the actors look. (By the same reverse token, there were even some hotter women we didn’t cast because they were horrible at acting). We even have clips for each routine where Jay and I talk about how to do it even better, how to deal with resistance, variations, etc.

    So we see your point, but hopefully you can focus on the material itself.

  9. Ray,

    I understand. However, I have been studying this material for a couple of years now and I am not seeing any real improvements. I have been to bootcamps, done consultations, read all kinds of material (including your products), dress really well, go out a couple of times a week and just get slammed night after night. Women don’t want to talk and even when you find a women that will at least chat its like pulling teeth to get any interest, attraction,ect. I have not got a number or email in months, let alone a date from this material. Its just not fun, its like a chore and quite frustrating. Last night I was out at a place where there were several guys that look like the guys in your videos talking away with women but these same women earlier would not even give me the time of day. I asked two of the women why they would not chat with me and with them and both said the same thing - they were cuter. I am not no kidding. Thats why its so frustrating.

  10. Kelso, there’s no way to give you a complete answer with a single reply comment on the blog. However, I know you are probably feeling frustration and I know you are being honest about your experiences. And, no matter how much this is going to sound like a touch pill to swallow, whenever I hear guys tell me what you’ve told me, or whever I have felt even remotely the same as you, I know you are in a place where what will help you the most is to to do a few specific things and to not do a few specific things before ever even addressing “pickup”.

    What you do:

    1. If you really and truly feel your looks are not helping you, then you put great effort into improving your looks. I am NOT talking about nicer clothes or peacocking, I am talking about:

    • Work out, and work out effectively, and stick with it … forever.
    • Improve your nutrition and eat better, and make sure you get the optimal nutrients into your system that your body needs. This will not only help with your efforts working out, it will make your complexion and look better and it will, more importantly, help you FEEL better. It will also, believe it or not, make you subtly smell better.
    • Get a decent amount of relaxing sleep, on a regular schedule.
    • Do whatever you can to improve your posture, both when you sit and when you stand and walk.
    • Do whatever you can to improve the pace and tonality of your voice

    2. Increase your social circles. Don’t meet girls just to try to pick them up. meet them to befriend then so you can increase your social circles. Invite them to parties or events. Introduce them to your friends. They will do the same for you. This will also help you relax and be less nervous, and more people will want to be around you and introduce you to cool people they know.

    What you should stop doing:

    1. Stop going to clubs or bars to pick up. In your current mindset, this will just cause frustration. It will also mess with your sleep schedule and probably cause you to eat poorly and drink more alcohol than is healthy for your body. Instead, pick any environment OTHER than bars or clubs to meet girls or friends. The absolute closest environment to a club you’ll want to go to is a party where you know at least some people.

    2. Believing that thinking differently is something you need to fight. You really have to accept that it’s most likely not JUST your looks (hey, I don’t know you, but based on my past experience, myself and with lots of other guys), your looks are only a partial issue. Rather, consider that it’s your vibe, and when you address things not directly to pickup FIRST then you will improve your vibe. Too many guys go right into “pickup” before they truly, at the very least, normalize themselves and their social behavior.

    I want to give you a mission. Go out one day this week, DURING THE DAY, and have the goal of just meeting people to make friends, guys or girls. They don’t have to end up being your best buddy, they just have to be people you would want to hang out with and who would want to hang out with you. Just chit-chat, be interested in them, not creepily, just normally, and exchange phone numbers with the vibe being that you both found each other interesting and would be good to hang out sometime or invite each other to stuff. Seriously, do that at the very least and let me know how it goes.

    Remember, the mission is NOT pickup, it’s normal everyday conversations in normal everyday environments, talking about casual stuff, related interests, and garnering a means to follow up with those (new) people at a later time.

  11. Jay,

    I really appreciate your thoughts and time. The funny thing is that I do work out a couple of times a week and have a pretty trim well built athletic physique. On top of that I dress very stylishly (express, H&M, English Laundry, Roar,ect), have a good hair style and for a living I am a corporate sales and marketing manager who deals with people on a daily basis. I am a musician as well and have played infront of large audiences,ect. I have my generally have my life together in career, am well educated and spoken have lots of friends but in dating its horrible. I strike out more than Mickey Mantle ever did. I mean it cant get any worse. I will try your ideas and let you know how it goes, but I just get so frustrated for women always say they want a confident man Well I do approach and have what I think is normally healthy self-assurance. I get the feeling that women only what “confident men” that they deem worthy no so much confident men per say….. Thanks again and I appreciate your time. Have a good night.


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