Part 1 of 2 [Read Part 2 Here]
Guest writer, and ladies’ man extraordinaire, Cameron Teone is here to get you thinking on a different track.
If you are on the Internet seeking dating advice, chances are good that you have come across a concept called cocky/funny. About 6 years ago, a gentleman started writing countless articles and newsletters promoting the concept of cocky/funny.
Like you, I was excited about it. It was a novel concept that seemed interesting and seemed to get a reaction out of people. It also seemed to piss off quite a few women at the same time. Over the years, I ran into a lot of guys whose chances with women were being destroyed by cocky/funny as it was being taught.
If you’re reading this right now, you may be one of those guys who is struggling to make cocky/funny work for you. If you have been at it for a while, chances are good, you’ve upset and insulted your fair share of women in the past year.
Thus, once and for all, I am going to break down HOW cocky/funny is ruining your chances with women and how you can go about fixing it, and how you can APPLY it in a way that is effective and practical. This article is a bit long so set aside 10 minutes, kick back somewhere comfortable and take in what you’re about to read.
First, we ought to understand the social-psychology of cocky/funny. The cocky part is designed to give the man some artificial value of being cool. The funny part is to make people laugh and take the edge of by injecting humor into the social interaction.
It’s taking a line that a proverbial “Cool guy” would utter and giving it to someone who may not be as cool. The problem is that the line is lost in translation. It’s common knowledge that most communication is non-verbal, and teaching the verbal part of a concept to someone while leaving out the non-verbal is a recipe for disaster.
In the long run, a cocky line cannot provide the illusion of confidence for someone who comes across otherwise. It may even buy him a few minutes sometimes, but the illusion will be shattered. Therefore, it’s more effective to polish one’s overall approach.
So let’s dissect the problems and look to replace them with solutions:
- Problem 1: Usage of Cocky Funny
The way cocky/funny is taught is to borderline insult a woman with a humorous touch to take the edge off of the insult. These are lines that can easily be misconstrued as an insult, and often, they are perceived as insults. When that happens, the cocky/funny advocates reply with, “Well, she just doesn’t have a sense of humor.”
Then again, maybe she just does not like being insulted. Below are some examples of the cocky funny lines taught:
“Nice shoes, did you buy them new?”
“Nice Outfit. Where is the rest of it?”
“You just want me, like all the other women.”
“Nice portrait. Have you considered wearing more makeup?”
(Ok, I made that last one up.)
Granted, you could approach 10 women, and 2 of them may respond favorably to such an advance. However, why would you handicap yourself like that? Why not use something that could effectively elicit a favorable reply from 8 out of 10?
So should you throw away cock/funny? No. Learn to tease and have fun. Some of the guys started calling it “Playful & Confident” a few years back and that’s a good motto. Being playful and confident is neither insulting and nor is it obnoxious.
I have articles on how to tease and flirt and you may want to look at those at some point. Explaining how to use humor in the interaction requires an entire article on its own. For the time being, remember to be playful and confident. Playful, in essence, is being childlike. It’s learning to have fun and play.
Hence, instead of trying to show you’re cool by the throwing out lines, you’re best served by displaying charm and confidence. You can TEASE and be fun, but the cocky-insult lines will have you shooting yourself more often than not.
- Problem 2: Timing of Cocky funny
When and where do you use cocky/funny as it’s taught? What demographic of women do you think it’s best suitable for? Have you ever asked yourself this question?
Well, the kind of cocky/funny that has traditionally been taught is effective on club skanks and strippers. You should also note that sometimes these observations of these concepts were made in strip bars and night clubs.
Cocky insult lines can work in those specific environments for two reasons:
A. The social matrix of the environment.
In a strip bar, for example, most men have zero value. Normally, the average guy in a strip bar is deemed by the stripper as a pathetic f*cking loser paying cash to see naked women flaunt their tits and ass. The borderline insulting comments are designed to somewhat reverse that dynamic or at least, to level the playing field. Telling a stripper, “You just want to use me for my body” can be funny given the circumstances, because it’s drawing on the reverse premise of what is going on.
Making the same remark to a girl in a library or a bookstore has no context and can backfire very easily.
B. Insecure women
Despite how they come across, these types of women are extremely insecure on many levels. Hence, a borderline insulting cocky/funny comment exposes their insecurity while reinforcing what they already subconsciously believe about themselves to begin with.
Lesson for you to take away: Look at the environment you’re in and the type of women you are interacting with. If you find yourself in a strip bar, or talking to some platinum haired blonde with 55 pounds of makeup and collagen enhanced lips at a nightclub, then the cocky Insult lines actually do seem to get a reaction. Any reaction is better than having someone ignore you.
On the other hand, if you’re approaching a different archetype, then cut down the insult lines, use more normal humor and joke with her as though you’ve known her for years.
- Problem 3: Persona/delivery of cocky/funny
Another common issues arises from the personality of men who are attempting to be cocky/funny. Men are taught to be serious. They are explicitly told that, “The woman shouldn’t be able to tell whether you’re joking or being serious.” They are also taught to use a very serious monotone delivery rivaling Frankenstein with the charisma of a doorknob.
Once again, bullshit advice. Guys who use cocky/funny effectively & consistently have a persona that is CONGRUENT with that type of humor. A character you can reference for this would be Vince Vaughn’s character, Trent, in the movie “Swingers.” (Actually, you can watch any number of Vince Vaughn movies (Wedding Crashers, The Breakup,) and you’d see the same effect, but let’s stick with Trent from Swingers.)
Trent’s persona could be conceived as a cocky/funny type. He gets away with saying a lot of things that other men would not. WHY? Because people see him and think, “Awww, that’s just Trent. He is just goofing around as usual, having a good time.” No one is insulted by Trent because people take him as someone having fun even if he is coming across as cocky. “Hey man, that’s just big T, Trent! He is having fun! You can’t get upset at Big T.”
Most guys seeking dating advice don’t have a persona/attitude like Trent, or they wouldn’t be seeking dating advice to begin with. Hence, just because Trent’s lines work for him does not translate into those lines working for another man who doesn’t have the same attitude.
A guy could be a studious, intellectual type who is not very gregarious. It doesn’t mean he cannot be successful in attracting women. However, for that guy to use the same approach as someone like “Trent” is a recipe for disaster as mentioned before. Is this starting to make sense?
If you enjoy teasing, and like doing so often, then build (or Develop) a persona that is consistent and congruent with that delivery. You must develop the PERSONA first and then the lines can be used in accordance. Cocky lines with the wrong persona amount to poor interactions.
If you still seek other visual examples, then there is one blockbuster film you’ll have to watch a 2nd time. Perhaps the greatest personification of a “Cocky Funny” personality is portrayed by Robert Downey Jr. in the movie, “Iron man”. His attitude through out the film depicts his extremely cocky demeanor, and yet he manages to come across as likable. This is key. People are not insulted by him because at the end of the day, it’s all a joke and he is HAVING FUN! The people interacting with him can clearly distinguish that he is just a big kid having fun. Is he being a cocky smart ass? Yeah, but it’s all in good spirit.
End of Part 1. Part 2 will come tomorrow. (Read Part 2 Here)
Cameron has his own blog and offers an excellent Audio Course, a 16-CD program which is pure pickup dynamite for most any guy. Cameron will also be presenting at our upcoming seminar in March, “The Complete Toolbox Seminar“.
(4 votes, average: 4.75 out of 5)
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February 12th, 2009 at 6:05 am
Hey good article. Just wanted to say that cocky/funny has worked wonders for me over the last few years and I totally agree about not being serious anytime I use a c/f line I look the girl in the eye and throw her a big smirk. Just having fun and letting the girl know that is huge for seeing you as fun, funny and creating value for yourself with a little tease.
February 12th, 2009 at 7:03 am
All you did was use pore examples of c+f, that came out more like cocky+arrogant.. then you defend c+f by saying it is a usefull tool when executed properly… So are you arguing against or for C+F ???
“Nice shoes, did you buy them new?”
–Neg gone bad. U better be wearing gucci or prada shoes yourself when sayin this.
“Nice Outfit. Where is the rest of it?”
–Pore substitution for a good “safe” compliment. Meaning he would only say such a thing cuz he actually found her outfit attractive.
“You just want me, like all the other women.”
–The sarcasm here only says “oh hailz nah, i dit not juss sae dat!!!”
Examples of sucessfull c&f:
1.
“Didn’t your mother tell you not to stare at cute boys when you were little?” –Dangerous when said by a good looking guy.
2.
HIM:It’s too short…
HER:what?..
HIM: life.. to hesitate..(pause)when you see someone you think is incredibly attractive…
HER:thanks..
HIM:I was talking about me you dork”
3.
HER:(She accicentally bumbs into you)”Oh sorry”
HIM:”You should be”
**The key to making cf good, is to tweak it by being D+F, (Direct+Funny) and NOT cocky+cute. Charlie sheen in 2 1/2 men does df. Do it w/o seeking a response.
peace
February 12th, 2009 at 8:07 am
I didn’t think that Robert Downey Jr. in “Iron Man” was as funny as the movie tried to push; rather, this showed me what you mean, when you talk about lines that are incongruous with the person: since to be truly cocky– vs. simply obnoxious– requires true self-confidence, or at least no self-doubt– which Downey clearly doesn’t have, and to me it showed. He was speaking the lines, and the other characters were even playing along, but the lines just didn’t fit the character, and he just appeared fake and hollow– and falsity is the quickest turnoff; in fact, it’s better to be passive, than to be perceived as false; even if you think you have good intentions, or you’re “at least making an effort,” you’ll be perceived as a “wanna-be” rather than being given credit for the attempt, since it will be obvous that you lack self-confidence, that you are therefore simply seeking approval of others– which is just another word for “repulsive and clingy.”
In contrast, someone like Sean Connery can easily pull it off, since he EXUDES such self-confidence that most fans will claim that “he IS James Bond.”
This is why confidence is such a make-or-break factor, i.e. since it shows the difference between one who has the charisma that attracts others, and one who has a negative persona, and attracts nothing but pity.
While this may seem uncompassionate– even sociopathic– the hard truth is that the female mindset seems to ruthlessly root for such a strong, swaggering and self-assured male figure without an ounce of self-doubt, rather than a real human with ordinary flaws. On the contary, most women will tend to absolve the most sociopathic flaws of a male to whom she’s attracted, while being repulsed by the complex flaws of a real human being, as being signs of “weakness,” even if they’re the burdens of morality and compassion. Does this mean that you shouldn’t have any flaws? Of course not– just don’t share them with her, unless you want to get see her disappear really fast.
February 13th, 2009 at 2:18 am
Some good points, but the proponent of the C&F concept doesnt teach it in the manner described. Perhaps people scratching the surface think that the throw away lines are enough, but C&F is much more about core confidence, body language and attitude than any premeditated routines.
February 13th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
My opinion is that, on the surface level, it’s less about WHAT is taught and more about HOW it’s taught. I can’t profess to know for sure whether any other person’s method of teaching is good or not, but it I do strongly believe that it boils entirely down to how successfully what is being taught is put into use by the target audience and, specifically, the customer (presuming there is an associated product which is a necessary component to the teaching).
From my own observation, beyond that of Cameron’s, which may be more thorough since he’s done a huge amount of in-field coaching, I’ve seen a lot of guys basically fuck up cocky & funny. There have been some trainers who’ve given it different labels like “confident & humorous” or “confident & playful” but it still boils down to not about whether the concept works, only whether people “get it” properly and execute it properly.
I know what it’s about, and I know how to make it work. But a lot of beginners, especially to the guys not used to being dominant when flirting with girls, will shift from one extreme to another - being a completely arrogant douchebag - and, even worse, not even being congruent with being an arrogant douchebag (let’s face it, even arrogant douchebags get laid).
It’s a matter of misunderstanding, mis-execution, mis-calibration, and a matter of lack of congruency.
I’ve advised guys many times that it’s far better to be a congruent geek who embraces who he is, than a “quarterback jock” who acts incongruently to his core. Add mis-calibration to that (a primary issue of most guys who first start out trying to fix their social issues with women), and you’ve got a guy who might very well do WORSE with women. That’s not to say being a geek is a desired thing to attract women, but my own point is that congruence is a HUGE factor.
February 14th, 2009 at 6:05 pm
The question was asked: “So are you arguing against or for C+F ???”
Read the entire in its entirety. It’s addressing this issue. Using humor with confidence is powerful, but its APPLICATION is taught in the wrong manner. (As I outlined in detail through “Problems 1, 2, 3, 4.”
*Hey, was the word “Pore” part of cocky/funny or is English not your first language?
*If your speaking is anything like your writing, you’re probably one lonely bastard.
The last two bullet points would have been traditional cocky/funny [As Taught to men originally] replies to your answer.
Should I keep going with my awesome cocky/funny? You probably didn’t like it, did ya? Now you know how women feel when insulted….. ;-)
That was the point.
Take care
Cameron
February 16th, 2009 at 5:49 am
Eric is rite on the money…
February 17th, 2009 at 2:06 am
Not really; you should NEVER expect a direct response, you want to joke specifically, but speak generally. If you depend on her, you’ll come off as needy.
February 18th, 2009 at 12:31 am
I use it with good success in opening up a woman. Once in while it does not work, but I have learned that it isn’t about me, it’s something about her. Bad hair day? She has an issue in her life? Maybe one heel is higher than the other, I don’t know.
I have had the chance to see a couple of women be real nice a day or two after I have inflicted her some cocky/funny, so I’m guessing it was something wrong with her.
February 21st, 2009 at 10:57 am
Hey Cameron I’m back, so relax. I’m just chiming in your article one more time, I’m not correcting your points.. at least im not trying to. But heres my cents for your READERS (not you) to get some thought out of. Afterall, isnt that what its all about ;)
*YOUR ATTITUDE!- CF is more of a attitude than any “Neg” (to put in a more technical term) . (Although “negs” are used in CF statements, it doesn’t mean CF statements ARE negs) The CF verbal language helps comminicate to the girl that YOUR’E the prize, but in a humorous/teazing/banterish way(even though when done correctly your body language, voice tone, facial expressions ALONE already signals that message). NEGS (not CF) were originally tought to insult to work on “sluts and skanks”, and NOT the cocky funny concept by a completely different teacher!
*QUALITY- To say CF only works on skanks and sluts, then that type of CF is cocky and funny indeed, but isn’t QUALITY CF… To CAUTION you, ill say that the better the quality CF is, the better quality women it will atract.. weather the women are very hot, or not. So become confident and secure w/ yourself, otherwise your CF wont work on quality women (emotionally healthy 10’s).
Ex. CF for slut
STRIPPER: hi Im Alotta-fagina :)
HIM: (thumbwrestle handshake and win) Ha ha, i bet you cant even give good lap dances
Ex. CF for quality women
HER: Are you Mexican??
HIM: Yeah, I know how to kiss (dont check for her reaction)
*To end this, its safe to say that just because your using a CF line(usually unsuccessful), doen’t mean you are ARE cocky and funny:) Like David D, said, “its all about body language, attitude etc…” - peace
**Oh yeah, camerine, an observer is one who only pinpoints the problem and give examples of what not to say, and he usually doesnt give good examples of what he can use in field.
February 23rd, 2009 at 8:57 am
Cameron…I read your article…What happen to part 2? I am 47 yr.old man. I have been using cocky/funny for quite sometime. Let me tell your readers that IT WORKS!!! What doesn’t work is being arrogant. You and I know that that is a turn off for both men and women. I have been told in chatrooms as well as out in the public by women that they like me and that I am funny. Busting on women makes you more attractive in their eyes. I know in flys in the face of logic and most probably everything you teach. So tell me and the other who have posted. What does work for you? I will be looking forward to reading your reply.
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:53 pm
John, I just added links from this page to Part 2 to make it easier to find. If you’re trying to find something else on this blog, you can always go to the homepage of the blog and browse from there or do a search, we’ve got a bunch of other write-ups here.
I’ve hung out with Cameron a lot and what works for him is having a natural conversational frame but also a persistence where if the initial response isn’t that great, he’ll try something else. Not incessantly, but also not taking a woman’s initial response personally. He also doesn’t have a scarcity mentality at all.
As for me, I am the creative and introspective type and I usually prefer meeting girls during the day when they’re solo. I use bold openers, nothing very canned, usually something unique to them or the situation, extend the conversation at least 30-60 seconds, and then use coincidence or synchronicity frames to move onward & escalate. I’m not as funny as Cameron is, he’s got a raw talent for that, but I do have a decent sense of humor and am good at call-back humor, and can usually get a girl laughing about something. In a way, I am less “masculine” when I initially approach women, and have a willingness to be goofy, but I usually am not approaching girls who are the type where a super-masculine approach would be more needed. Usually those kind of girls are either ultra-feminine (skirts, heels, lot of makeup, done-up hair), high-maintenance, or somewhat bitchy in demeanor.
~Jay
April 3rd, 2009 at 1:27 pm
hi,
i just repect your throughts but one thing i want to know how i know that she is ready with me for bad,i easily attrect women but after some time they became friendly and i am confuse,whether she trust me or i will tell that i need sex,
how can i express my feeling without hurting,
plz give me suggetion
as fast as you can
May 5th, 2010 at 8:37 am
hey i am from india and i read david deangeleno cocky comedy and applied it it works like a BOMB BLAST 10 OUT of 10 every one are looking like a love guru women are chasing it …its not i am fucking them because i am in iniatial stage ….its not only words
really its the VOICE TONE (arrogant one) and tell anything…
see i will give u one example…
we went to collect money for flood welfare…
i: hey sunita did u pay the money of 100 to child welfare
she:blah blah
she: what u will do with the money:
i: we will do party..(tell seriously arrogant tone)
she: busted up…..